things change. people change. feelings change. seasons change. life changes. it's hard to accept change sometimes, but i believe that changes do make a person stronger. relationships stronger. even if that means losing one relationship, it can make another that much better.
i've learned that everyone has opinions about what i do. good. bad. whatever. i used to always want others opinions, their satisfaction. but now...i could really care less. because when it comes down to it, it's my life. these are my feelings, and my consequences. if you don't want to hear me bitch or rant about how fantastic things are...then just peace out right now. why waste my time and the energy pretending that you actually care to listen?
i will never be perfect. i've actually proven lots to myself, and to others that i am far from it. but through lack of perfection, comes imperfection, and through imperfections we will find beauty. whoever i end up with, is going to have to love my imperfections. and truuuuuust me honey, i've got lots of them to love :) don't worry, i'm not a total train wreck though haha...
hmm. so today, i was really really taken aback by someone. i saw them in a new light. it wasn't something they did, but what they said. it held so much meaning and thoughtfulness behind it. it literally stayed on my mind all day. i think it kind of gave me that little bit of energy that my cold had drained out of me. it's one of those things that's so special....i don't even want to share :)
i want a cupcake.
Friday, February 25, 2011
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Who Draws The Big Picture?
So lately, I've been wondering whether or not God has a path planned out for us, or if we just have free will to choose our own. Or maybe, he just provides us with options and we choose between those. I like to believe that God is there, along side me, helping me paint my picture. Sometimes I get greedy and use more paint than I should, or hog the brush.
I think I need to rely more on God to help me paint, and not just do everything myself. I need to rely on others more too. Sometimes I'm such a perfectionist that I'd rather just do things myself, knowing that they are done to my expectations and standards, rather than let them just be half-assed. Not saying that God half-asses things...not in the least. But just with other humans in my life.
One thing I know that I need to rely on myself and God a little more for, is just my own happiness. I let other so easily effect my emotions, that once I get my hopes up, and things don't work out as planned...I'm so bummed. Or mad. Or something. When really, I shouldn't let other people have so much control over how I feel. I am really fortunate to have good things in my life. My own place. Family. Parker. A job that I love.
For a long time I've had this idea in my head that something is missing. That I won't be happy until _________. At first, it was moving out of Sunnyside. Check. Then it was finding a job. Check. Then getting my own apartment. Check. Then it was to get a dog. Check. All of these have made me happier. But there will always be an empty feeling until I can learn to just be ok with me. Learn how to enjoy being with myself. Sounds funny, but it's just what needs to be done.
All in all, I've come across an answer that I am satisfied with to my question as to who draws this big picture that we call life. It's God. He has a set plan for us, but we have to choose to walk down the path with him. There is a 'best path'. It's already been laid out for us, we just have to seek him and let him lead us in each step. When we take the wrong path, and stray off course, he doesn't panic. He'll lead us back on track. It's all about our relationship with Jesus and our constant desire to know what he wants us to do next. Keep following the path, and walk with him. Don't hesitate or be afraid to ask for help, or a light if it's dark.
I think I need to rely more on God to help me paint, and not just do everything myself. I need to rely on others more too. Sometimes I'm such a perfectionist that I'd rather just do things myself, knowing that they are done to my expectations and standards, rather than let them just be half-assed. Not saying that God half-asses things...not in the least. But just with other humans in my life.
One thing I know that I need to rely on myself and God a little more for, is just my own happiness. I let other so easily effect my emotions, that once I get my hopes up, and things don't work out as planned...I'm so bummed. Or mad. Or something. When really, I shouldn't let other people have so much control over how I feel. I am really fortunate to have good things in my life. My own place. Family. Parker. A job that I love.
For a long time I've had this idea in my head that something is missing. That I won't be happy until _________. At first, it was moving out of Sunnyside. Check. Then it was finding a job. Check. Then getting my own apartment. Check. Then it was to get a dog. Check. All of these have made me happier. But there will always be an empty feeling until I can learn to just be ok with me. Learn how to enjoy being with myself. Sounds funny, but it's just what needs to be done.
All in all, I've come across an answer that I am satisfied with to my question as to who draws this big picture that we call life. It's God. He has a set plan for us, but we have to choose to walk down the path with him. There is a 'best path'. It's already been laid out for us, we just have to seek him and let him lead us in each step. When we take the wrong path, and stray off course, he doesn't panic. He'll lead us back on track. It's all about our relationship with Jesus and our constant desire to know what he wants us to do next. Keep following the path, and walk with him. Don't hesitate or be afraid to ask for help, or a light if it's dark.
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