butterflies..

so there's this boy...haha that's how any great story starts isn't it? this one's kind of different though. what i really mean, is that he is nice. a compelte gentleman. he's sweet. he makes me laugh. likes to talk to me. accepts me as i am. understands my weirdness. and constantly puts a smile on my face. how great does that sound? i don't think i have felt this happy in....well jeeze at least a year. and even then, i didn't feel as true to myself as this happy feeling that i have now.

he does all of the things that i have wanted out of a relationship for years. good morning texts, goodnight texts, actually WANTS (i can't stress that enough) and likes! to hang out and talk with me. i don't feel pressured to be someone i am not. not to please this person in any way. like just being me is completely enough.

we kind of agreed that we were on the same page. that we both didn't really want a relationship. just wanted someone to hang out with. nothing more than that. i thought that's what i wanted. i know i was making the mature decision...but after i said it, i think i was a little sad. i kind of wanted him to want to have a relationship with me. i'm not really sure if things are changing now, or if it's still in the we just hang out kind of mode. but it's been mutually established that we both like each other, and hanging out and talking to each other is greatly enjoyed. i like that. i like that i can be honest, no bullshit.

i was telling him tonight that one of my biggest insecurities is that whomever i try to date in the future will think that i come with all this baggage that i won't be worthwhile to pursue. i mean...i do have a past. not all of it's my fault necessarily, but how i handle it is my responsibility. i've chosen to be strong and move on. grow from it. not let it cloud my judgement or ruin me. i think i've done a pretty good job. he made a good point in saying that i shouldn't be worried about it. that person should accept it or i should just be like whatever then. i agree. i know that's the right answer. i still don't like slightly feeling like a train wreck though.

anyways, he's great. i have so much fun with him. he wants to try all these fun things that i've really always wanted someone to do them with. like making dinner together. how cute is that right? i've never really felt like the 'girl' in the relationship. sorta with the douche bag last year, but still. he had his own issues. but i've always played mom and babysitter and have worn the big girl pants. it's a new thing for me to let someone else be in control and just take care of me. this year i'm really trying to work on that. it's kind of nice to be treated like a princess for once :)

all i know is that for the past like 3 weeks i haven't stopped smiling, my heart is happy, and all the fingers are pointing to one person ;)