breakups are tough. especially when you've been with that person for a long time. it stings at first, and you go through all of the steps of being sad and mad and just everything else. i haven't really had many different breakups, but i used to have a lot with one person.
the most important break up i had was this past january. if you read my earlier blogs, you would know why. it was a really big and important decision to make. see not only was i not happy with this person anymore, or in love with that person, but they also did something terrible to me. they abused me. physically and mentally. it took a lot (sort of) for me to fully commit to getting him out of my life.
that happened four months ago. i was traumatized. i was beaten down to a point that i did not know my own self worth. is it really terrible that now that i have a new wonderful boyfriend, that from time to time i am reminded of my six year past with that person? i'm one of those awful people that shares every connection and how i know this person story. sometimes i just can't help it. i've been trying to change that though.
i should be more aware of other people's feelings by what i stories i tell them. i mean, what new boyfriend wants to hear that they made a face that looked like the one my ex boyfriend made when he was abusing me. i mean...i am a little traumatized by it, but i don't need to say it out loud. i guess...i'm not really sure. i don't mean in any way, shape, or form to intentially hurt anyone when i say things like that. it's just i can't help it. it happened to me. it is part of my past, and i'm trying really hard to keep it out of my future.
don't by any means think that i sit here pining over my ex. because i don't. i've gotten to a point that i can do most things, which used to remind me of him, and not think about it or at least just have the thought then get over it really quickly and enjoy what i'm doing. it's not something i like, or enjoy, but it's part of the healing process and just how my mind is. i can only change it to an extent.
am i healing fast enough? is all that i do wrong? i mean i don't miss him. i'm so happy where i am. can't others see that? or am i just not doing enough to demonstrate that? i guess there are actions i can change to...well be better. it's an annoying process, but i am really really trying. the biggest thing anyone can do is just be understanding, and if you love me, support me and be patient. Because love is patient, love is kind.
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