soo my babe started his new job in lewiston. it's a really great thing, he is so excited to be back there...but the bummer of it all is that i am still here. in cowtown usa. i love the time i have with my parents and just kind of relaxing...but let me tell you...i miss him so damn much. it's only going to be night number 2, but i just have that empty void that isn't filled. no matter how many oreos i dunk or episodes of degrassi i watch :(
eventually i'll be going over there...but mama needs a house for her and baby and parkers. it's the waiting process that kills. i love coming home to his smile and hearing his voice say HEY BABE! when i walk in the door. i don't have a reason to rush home from work now, or just a severe motivation to go to our apartment. i don't want to sleep alone. thank goodness for parker. he's such a good cuddle bug.
what's funny is that before i met andrew, i had terrible terrible nightmares for what was an on-going month and a half. whenever i fall asleep next to him though, i don't dream. i rarely will have a dream, but it's never a bad one. the first night i spent away from him...nightmare.
i just remember how andrew was like my saving grace. he showed me a happiness within myself that i knew deep down existed...but i could never bring out. it was like the real me, and this sweet boy made me see it. do you know how great it feels to be able to say wow. this entire month i haven't stopped smiling. it feels pretty great. drew gave me that feeling. he still gives me that feeling. there's something about him that is so different than anything i've known before...he's just so perfect for me.
anyways. i miss him like crazy.
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
Sunday, September 23, 2012
Get OVAH yourself...
I haven't written a post in a long time. I've been busy making a life and getting caught up in day to day things, that just soak up time. It feels like there is never enough time.
Something that I have been struggling with lately are exaggerations. I mean, don't get me wrong...all good stories are exaggerated to some extent (just adds to the suspense and gives dramatical effect haha) but if you are exaggerating to the point where your story has become completely false and it's just some bullshit you made up so you have something to talk about....well you're in the wrong.
I don't like to feel like I can't share news or my ideas with someone (who might I add, is 'supposed' to be an important grown up in Andrew's and my life) but instead feel like I just have to sit pretty and smile and can't say anything because I know it will be blown out of proportion and immensly false.
I mean it NEVER fails. Or THEY never fail to elaborate. One night impraticular, I only said about 3 sentences the entire night. Granted half of the time was spent chewing my dinner, the other half I remained silent because I had quickly learned not to share anything with this person, unless I wanted it turned 180 degrees in the other direction. It's so frustrating. Anyways, out of those 3 sentences that I shared (this I am not exaggerating or under exaggerating on haha), one of them was flipped around and later questioned in a negative matter. It's like WTF GIVES? I chose my words carefully, I said them politely, and I made sure that to most normal people....it would have made perfect sense.
But for those special few who like to make everything about them and take shit out of context....fuck off. I'm not here to play games or to baby you. If you are going to act in a way which puts me or my family in a negative light or anything then the black and white things I have said, then don't expect me to share things with you, or for that matter spend that much time with you.
You are a grown person....so start acting like it.
Here are a couple things that are so black and white it's not even funny.
If you can't understand this, then honestly there is just no hope for you to ever understand.
1. MOST IMPORTANTLY: I LOVE MY BABY. I have NEVER thought about not having my baby.
If you ever say ANYTHING along those lines again, I will take away your visiting privledges.
2. I love Andrew with all of my heart, and would do anything to make him happy.
3. Andrew and I WILL get married someday.
We have chosen NOT to have some rushed marriage because we are having a baby. I would rather tell my child I married your Dad out of pure love for one another, not because we felt it was the "right" thing to do. I see absolutely nothing wrong with that.
4. I am pregnant. I get sick. I am not like anyone you know. So until you get to fucking know me, don't act like you already do, and quit comparing me.
5. SORRY I'M NOT A SKINNY DARK BIMBO WHO LOOKS LIKE A MONKEY.
GET OVER IT.
Something that I have been struggling with lately are exaggerations. I mean, don't get me wrong...all good stories are exaggerated to some extent (just adds to the suspense and gives dramatical effect haha) but if you are exaggerating to the point where your story has become completely false and it's just some bullshit you made up so you have something to talk about....well you're in the wrong.
I don't like to feel like I can't share news or my ideas with someone (who might I add, is 'supposed' to be an important grown up in Andrew's and my life) but instead feel like I just have to sit pretty and smile and can't say anything because I know it will be blown out of proportion and immensly false.
I mean it NEVER fails. Or THEY never fail to elaborate. One night impraticular, I only said about 3 sentences the entire night. Granted half of the time was spent chewing my dinner, the other half I remained silent because I had quickly learned not to share anything with this person, unless I wanted it turned 180 degrees in the other direction. It's so frustrating. Anyways, out of those 3 sentences that I shared (this I am not exaggerating or under exaggerating on haha), one of them was flipped around and later questioned in a negative matter. It's like WTF GIVES? I chose my words carefully, I said them politely, and I made sure that to most normal people....it would have made perfect sense.
But for those special few who like to make everything about them and take shit out of context....fuck off. I'm not here to play games or to baby you. If you are going to act in a way which puts me or my family in a negative light or anything then the black and white things I have said, then don't expect me to share things with you, or for that matter spend that much time with you.
You are a grown person....so start acting like it.
Here are a couple things that are so black and white it's not even funny.
If you can't understand this, then honestly there is just no hope for you to ever understand.
1. MOST IMPORTANTLY: I LOVE MY BABY. I have NEVER thought about not having my baby.
If you ever say ANYTHING along those lines again, I will take away your visiting privledges.
2. I love Andrew with all of my heart, and would do anything to make him happy.
3. Andrew and I WILL get married someday.
We have chosen NOT to have some rushed marriage because we are having a baby. I would rather tell my child I married your Dad out of pure love for one another, not because we felt it was the "right" thing to do. I see absolutely nothing wrong with that.
4. I am pregnant. I get sick. I am not like anyone you know. So until you get to fucking know me, don't act like you already do, and quit comparing me.
5. SORRY I'M NOT A SKINNY DARK BIMBO WHO LOOKS LIKE A MONKEY.
GET OVER IT.
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